Max is five weeks old

Does your breast pump speak to you? I swear mine says 'got milk' with each pumping motion. Out of curiosity I asked several mothers if they could hear their pumps speak and many admitted that (depending on the level of sleep deprivation) they could hear it loud and clear. Apparently the podcast "The longest shortest time" even had women call in to tell what they heard. 

In case you thought I was slowly losing my mind, you're not entirely mistaken. Pumping, breastfeeding, working a few hours a week and a challenging early week where Max' sleep is concerned, contributed to moments of delirium. That and the time when I walked out of a 2 hour meeting with Every Mother Counts completely zapped. It had been the first time in weeks of an adult, focused conversation that left my brain fried but excited for what is to come. Stay tuned. 

Max also had his one month checkup with the pediatrician and we're proud to say that he is now in the double digits and has gained a whooping 2.5lbs since being discharged from the hospital. He was particularly cranky on our way to the doctor but she worked her magic and while she didn't take us up on the offer of keeping him for an hour while we "pop up the street to take a nap", she did send us home with a happy baby that had stopped screaming at us. 

In new developments, Max is now way more alert and we are trying to figure out what his eye colour will be. Seems blueish in the morning but then hazel in the afternoon. He sometimes follows a finger or toy with his eyes. His tummy time game is stronger and he'll switch the cheek that he is lying on - promptly followed by sucking on everything within reach. And then there are fleeting little smiles. They happen upon waking up first thing in the morning, when he finishes nursing and is pleased. Very occasionally he will lock eyes and we will flash him our biggest dorky grin and he reciprocates. But I haven't quite been able to catch that on camera since I find myself freaking out with joy each and every time, still. 

Sleep... a loaded subject that I dared touch on social media this week. Boy did I open pandora's box. In all fairness, apart from seeking advice, I was curious about the backlash or lack thereof. Most women were very nice about it saying that these weeks are about pure survival. A few messages were interesting and while I can't say that I would have had the wherewithal to sleep train Max as early as week 1, the biggest takeaway has been that we're all different. Meaning, our babies are and as such there is no one size fits all. 

Somehow, despite being quite sleep deprived some days, I managed to run three times this week. The first two runs back were barely 30 minutes but felt so freeing and happy. Just today I managed 45 minutes in perfect weather and in great company. Afterward, we met up with Chris for a coffee and Max didn't mind nursing from a sweaty salty breast. He's already a champion in my book. 

This week, has felt like I found back to myself more. While I have still been eating a ton of German candy and generally just shoving into my mouth what has been easy and quick, I have cooked twice and made healthier choices overall. Chris has managed to go to yoga twice and to the gym and is going for his first evening out where he won't be around for bedtime (something that will probably take a while for me to do...). The fog is lifting a little bit for all of us.  

Seems that just as the little man, we are all becoming more alert again. Can't wait to see what next week brings. 

xx